Game On! (not really)

footballguyHey, it’s Big Game season! This is important to my life not at all. Here’s the thing: I don’t like sports. Any kind of sports. In fact, vigorous physical movement or any kind is just not something I can endorse. I attribute my unsportsmanlike attitude to three things

  1. I possess neither athletic prowess nor physical dexterity. I am that person you do NOT want on your team. In fact, not only will I not help you win, I am likely to inadvertently increase your odds of losing (an unwilling member of a junior high basketball team, I once scored a basket for the other team).
  2. My sensitive amygdala and overactive empathy gland (I’m pretty sure that’s a real thing) mean that I experience more anguish for the guy who misses the field goal, the ice skater who falls on her butt and the center fielder who drops the pop fly than the competitors do themselves.
  3. Sports are BORING. OMG. So, so boring.

There is one aspect of the sporting life that I support unreservedly, however: tasty finger foods. I adapted the following recipe from here. My version features Tastefully Simple products, which make it even more awesome. While the rest of the world is watching the Big Game or the Final Four or whatever damned game is coming up next, I will be binge-watching Remington Steele and eating these. Perhaps if I eat enough of these I’ll finally qualify for a sport in which I could excel: sumo wrestling.

Mozzarella Pretzel Blossoms


Salted Pretzel Roll Mix (get it, and the other Tastefully Simple products used in this recipe here)

1 c. shredded mozzarella cheese

½ c. mini pepperoni

2 T. chopped black olives

¼ c. butter, melted

1 tsp. Tastefully Simple Spinach & Herb Seasoning

1 tsp. Garlic GarlicTM Seasoning



Prepare the pretzel rolls according to the package instructions, except make four large rolls instead of 12 small ones. (I used the “everything pretzel roll” variation on the box, topping each roll with Garlic Garlic Seasoning, Onion OnionTM Seasoning, sesame seeds and poppy seeds.)


Tasty pretzel rolls, ready to be eviscerated.



Once the rolls are baked and cooled, cut deep slits into each in a cross-wise pattern. Then pull each sliced roll slightly open to gain access to the deep innards.




The soon-to-be guts of the pretzel roll blossoms

Mix the melted butter, Spinach & Herb Seasoning and Garlic Garlic Seasoning and pour it into the crevices of each roll. NOTE: In retrospect, it might be more effective to use a pastry brush to distribute the mixture more evenly inside the roll “blossom.”



Next, stuff the mozzarella, mini pepperonis, black olives and/or any other pizza toppings you like into the crevices. Be sure to get the cheese deep into each slice.


Seriously, how could this not be delicious?

Wrap each roll in its own little aluminum foil package and bake at 350° F for 15 minutes.


For me? You shouldn’t have!

Unwrap and pull apart the warm, gooey-cheesy bread blossom. Consume it greedily. Experience remorse for your gluttony. Eat another.

TIP: Although I didn’t think of this until after the gluttony had been accomplished, these might benefit even more with a side of Mama Mia Marinara Sauce for dipping. I’ll try that next time.


Mozzarella Pretzel Blossoms, the biggest winner of SportBall season.





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Filed under Humor, Lifestyle

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